Which Wolf Will You Feed?
On my first day in Greece, I made a conscious decision. That decision buoyed my spirits, renewed my energy and cultivated my inner light.
Traveling to Greece was my mom’s dream. In the final years of her life, I set the intention that I’d take her there when she got better. It was fitting, then, that on the tenth anniversary of her passing, to the very month, I finally made the Grecian trek - to attend a retreat. My hope is that the journey healed us both.
The plane ride to Greece was one I won’t soon forget. The woman in my row almost died.
Within the first hours of the flight, the commotion began. Medical personnel tended to her with various medical apparatus from oxygen tanks to a blood pressure cuff and oximeter attained from fellow passengers, an IV suspended from the luggage overhead bins and a cocktail of medications, screaming her name at regular intervals, so she wouldn’t go to sleep in ways temporary and permanent. The lights remained on for our 9 hour overnight flight as her care continued. She was thankfully coherent by landing. No sleep was had.
Grateful for a safe landing for all in Athens, I retrieved my brand new luggage from the carousel to find it had broken in transit. After the tumultuous travel, I desired a hot shower and the sanctuary of a bed of my own to seek rest. Shortly after arrival to our hotel, I learned I would be sharing a bed with a stranger, someone from our retreat that I didn’t know.
Panic ensued.
Travel has tested me before - most pointedly in Southeast Asia, South Africa and Hawaii, and yet I venture on. As I noticed fertile ground preparing similar patterns, I intentionally shifted the energy to foster different choices during this trip to Greece.
As I took a breath, I asked myself,
In the midst of chaos, how can i create peace?
In pondering this inquiry, I thought of the Native American parable about the two wolves that battle within us. The dark wolf, “is anger, envy, sorrow, greed…and ego.” Yet it also represents, “tenacity [and] courage.” The light wolf within “is joy, peace, love, hope…compassion and faith.” By feeding one (or both) of these wolves, we create our feeling state.
Early in my Grecian adventure, I yearned to feed the lighter wolf.
After this harrowing first day, it felt like the creation of my peace existed in something I loved. Taking pictures, particularly when traveling, brings me great joy. I relish the notion of capturing a particular moment in time from my perspective.
As an answer to my sacred question, I created a nightly gratitude practice, delving into what I love to create my peace. I tuned into the sensations in my heart, mind and body as I reviewed the pictures I’d taken that day. I selected my favorites, wrote up a little summary and posted it on Facebook. The intention of this daily ritual was to focus on the light - the good - and release anything that hadn’t served me that day.
“Roadside Affirmation” - Santorini, Greece, July 2023
I questioned whether this practice whitewashed my experience in an incendiary way, promoting false social media comparisons that actively fuel our current mental health crisis. Yet, I yearned to interrupt my own deeply engrained negativity bias. I made the conscious, personal decision to feed the light wolf and engage in this practice to mindfully focus on the positive throughout my journey.
The practice wasn’t easy.
I wanted to post about the trauma of the in-flight medical emergency and my busted luggage. By Day 4, I could feel the dark wolf pacing, as my self care became increasingly challenged by a busy schedule compounded by sleep deprivation. Day 5, my phone smashed to the ground at a spiritual site. I wanted to bawl my eyes out. I wanted to process what had just occurred.
But I didn’t have time.
I needed to board the bus for our next stop.
I felt my physical and emotional exhaustion mounting.
In my exhausted state, this question emerged:
In less than ideal conditions, how might I care for myself?
As I sat with this sacred question, I realized the answer lied in nurturing the dark wolf.
“Courage’s Reward” - Plaka Beach, Naxos, Greece, June 2023
So, I conjured up my courage, and took ownership of my experience.
On what would become my favorite Greek Island, Naxos, I swam.
I explored.
I meandered at a leisurely pace, allowing for enough time to notice and appreciate and integrate.
I savored vistas and lingered at seaside dining tables.
I actively renewed my spirit.
I caught my breath.
I actively poured into myself.
I found balance between my wolves so that I, myself, was nourished.
The rest of my time in Greece was spent listening to the whispers of my heart, leaving space for magic (and there was plenty) and letting the rest flow through. ♥
An Invitation to Practice:
Find a quiet space. Bring a journal, if you enjoy writing. Make yourself comfortable in a seated position or lying down.
Place your hands on your heart.
If it feels safe and comfortable to you, close your eyes or soften your gaze.
Tune into your breath. Notice the rise and fall of your belly and your chest with each inhalation and exhalation.
Bring to mind any situation in your life that feels unsettled.
Give it space.
Breathe into the situation itself.
Notice what thoughts arise as you consider these less than ideal conditions. Notice the sensations that arise in your body as you consider this scenario.
What is happening to your breathing? Your heartbeat? Your body temperature?
Notice any sensations of heaviness or lightness in your body. Notice any sensations of heaviness or lightness in your mind. Notice any sensations of heaviness or lightness in your heart.
Ask yourself these two questions:
In less than ideal conditions, how might I care for myself?
In the midst of chaos, how can I create peace?
Grant yourself permission to listen to the wisdom of your body and the whispers of your own wise heart. Provide yourself with as much quiet, sacred listening time as you can.
When you feel ready, take 3 deep breaths and reacclimate yourself to the space you’re in. Journal about any insights that may have arisen ♥